What you do to socialize?

I need to find a way away from internet social groups and have more irl social group. The last I tried was a internet to irl social group centered around local and state politics about two year ago and I realized those people have two faces and the one in front of me is entirely fake and the one in the communication medium is more genuine and I couldn’t handle how insufferable those people are as whole.
I feel like lone wolf after realizing this truth and have drifted in and pushed/kick out social groups trying to find a sense of belonging while keeping personal philosophy and identity. The best source of personal identity I have at moment is amateur videos I publish on youtube (and if I was pushed off that platform I would continue under peertube,lbry, streamlab, etc.) low bandwidth makes the parasocial relationship fleeting. I feel bad for the people who are interested in my ideas and creation that are subsequently cut off with no way to contact them. I am lucky that I’ve managed to gain some contact with some people but the majority is lost.
There is at most like 6 people here and the only commonality this place has is the shared struggle of celibacy of some sort. That’s too little of similarity to form very large bond in community.
I post in freespeechextremist.com nowadays because it hasn’t banned me yet. I guess it lives up to its name. it is low IQ place where little thought is put into posts and is like twitter in some ways. You can freely filter the content if you like, there just isn’t a set guide to filter useful content and it just comes out a garbled mess of peoples blog posts.
Sorry for rambling on, old men with no social life or purpose is what I feel like right now.

Making friends in adult age 101:

  1. Get a job
  2. Talk to your coworkers
  3. Invite them to hang out

That’s pretty much it.

You can optionally find new friends in other places too. For example your can go to football matches (or whatever sport you like.)


People from work, school, join clubs and organisations and volunteering. Meet friend of friends, join Facebook groups and talk to people in the group of similar interests, join a gym, and fitness programs. Join programs and activities of interest like I did swimming, knitting, pottery etc and met people there.

The answers are too gauge and directionless. Equivalent to “get gud”. Sorry, I know y’all have good intentions but getting job, talking to people, inviting (to what and why, what’s the purpose? I don’t thing people will go if you say you lonely and need someone to talk to), joining orgs. I built up enough courage to join a org but left due to difference.
Maybe shooting competition, I don’t know where to start or how to make friends.

Ok I can help break this down. It’s starting with social skills and participation with others. You just find something that you enjoy or want to do or learn about then sign up. That’s the first thing. Next when you are there try not to focus on finding friends but be casual. Say hi to people, ask how they are doing, contribute to the group or the activities. If there is group stuff then when it comes time for group stuff ask the group you want to be friends with if they made if you join their group. Then participate in the group activities and make some contributions. You can ask them if they want to get drinks after the project or if they wanted to come over to work on the project moe etc. If they invite you to things then attend if you want to.

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In general: doing something consistently (e.g., weekly, monthly) seems to build rapport. Specifically: since my semester ended I’ve been running with a group weekly, and we chill for beers after. I also go to bars and people will usually socialize with me there. Sometimes, it’s tedious, given I get more of a thrill from observing rather than participating. Random events can be found/joined via Facebook events and Meetup.

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Facebook’s business model is selling data of its users, is there a different platform that offers privacy to the users?

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Unfortunately, I haven’t found any stand-alone app that rivals FB’s event feature. Maybe the devs who work in that department will splinter and build one.

hi, welcome to yourenotalone J.D., you’ve been taken off the spam filter and your posts should go through automatically now


Yes, my previous reply was too vague on purpose. There’s no specific algorithm that you can follow in order to get friends.

Right, so don’t say that, say something else.

I like football (soccer) and nerd-y activities. I live in a country where football is super popular, and I work at places full of nerds (I’m a programmer.) So it’s natural to start conversations about things I like, because people around me share a lot of interests with me.

You’re a human, socializing it’s part of your nature. You can’t teach a bird how to fly, they just know how to fly. You’re supposed to know how to socialize in the same way a bird is supposed to know how to fly.

I’ve been diagnosed with social phobia when I was around 15 years old. So I can tell how hard socializing is.

No one will ever teach you how to make friends, how to talk to people, how to be approachable, how to approach, how to flirt, how to behave in social events, etc. You’re on your own. You’ll find good people willing to help you (Love for example) but no one can teach or train you, it’s something that you can only learn by yourself.

I used medication for a few years that made me “less shy” (actually it blocked the anxiety crisis I used to have) and only then I was able to understand how to interact with people. I’m still very, very bad at it, but I can at least have a normal life (for a very stretched definition of “normal.”)

I was already an adult when I learned how to say “hey, how are you doing?” and smile. I was already an adult when I learned how to make eye contact while talking to people. etc

The truth is ruthless, but very simple: You either learn on your own (possibly with the help of medication) or accept that you’ll live alone. It gets harder and harder as you get older, so be quick.

Good luck!

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Yes this is literally my job teaching social and behaviour skills as well as community integration

If you give us instructions on how to proceed in social situations we’ll end up trying to rationalize everything, which doesn’t work. You told me several times that I “think too much” – and you’re right.

Making new friends just isn’t a chess match where you analyze the other person’s behavior and respond accordingly. That’s not how it works. It may work in some scenarios but won’t take you very far. Again, it doesn’t work.

That’s just my 2 cents based on my experience being a social pariah.

It does work it just takes a long time to re train your brain with the use of CBT and DBT. There are exercises I can give you and work with you more if you want.

It’s not worth it to attempt to socialize with these types of people, though.

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What type of people?

Good point.