I don’t know if this is the forum for my input but here goes. I’m 45 and married, but I know what a challenge finding intimacy was and is. I hope my words can ease some anxiety and help both men and women feel less alone. We all struggle looking for connections. Real connections. Many of us my self included look for it based on idealized versions of what we believe we deserve. I think many young men never have the chance to have real relationships early in life(high school/ early twenties) so we base our expectations on what we are exposed to; dare I say porn. The physical characteristics of women in porn, and the type of sex in porn do us a disservice since it is unlikely women who look like that will be into guys that have trouble finding a mate. I can only speculate that women have a similar form of conditioning; romance novels, Rom-coms that provide a similarly skewed sense of what intimate relationships should be like. Again I can’t speak for women but Rom-Coms do decent guys a disservice too, in that many of us my self included believe that if you are nice to a fault your dream girl will see the lovable nerd as a potential suitor/ true love. As a short male(5’9”) I couldn’t find any females who were interested in me when I was younger; I lost my virginity to a prostitute in Germany when I was 23. That option does nothing for your self esteem since you will still be left feeling unwanted and that frankly hurts; and if you say it doesn’t then you are better man than me. With that said, you are probably thinking what does a married man know about this. Over the course of my marriage I’ve come to realize when my wife is essentially taking one for the team; this has made me less inclined to initiate, and when she initiates I go through the motions and get it done. May have shared too much but life and relationships have challenges, you aren’t the first person to go through this and you won’t be the last. The pain you feel is real but anger or lashing out won’t change it. I
All I want is a lesbian as a male. If that was informed by porn then so be it.
But that is what God made me to be.
Hey Tony thanks for sharing. Yea it’s really sad how life turns out for males like us. Sadly what I realized about life is it generally gives you the opposite of what you want. If you want good health you’re gonna get bad health. If you want to live you’re probably gonna die, if you want love you probably won’t get it, if you want sex you’ll probably end up never having an enjoyable time. So I try not to want positive/enjoyable things since its never turned out that way but of course my human nature says otherwise.
I agree on something, but not with the judgement of porn. I love porn for having me pussypilled long time ago