Introduction of a 32 mentalcel

Hello, how do I present myself?
I’m 32, I have mental health issues: schizophrenia with bipolarity. It means when I stress I become almost unable to function normally and I hear a voice in my head who tells racist slurs, I am pathetic or everybody is pathetic. It also means, without my traitment I become agitated then depressed, at the point I tried to kill myself 4 times, and the last time I almost died.
Before that i had already dyspraxia (and I still have it), which means I was bad at sports, writing and to move in a city without losing myself in the process, which makes me stress. Because of my difference, I was bullied from primary school to high school many times.

I already lost my virginity since almost 10 years, but my first times were frustating for me, so it leaded to my breakup with that girlfriend. She left me, so I became really hurtful, which leaded to my third try to kill myself. Since, I have no relationships, probably because I am traumatized. Now, I don’t trust any woman outside my close family.
But I also don’t trust any man outside my close family either, because my last friends didn’t emotionnally support me when I really needed.

I would like to found a family and become less socially isolated, but I’m pretty pessimistic on that possibilty. Even if it is possible, it will be difficult.
Otherwise, I am a neet and like learn things.

Ask me questions if you want.