Something in me is changing as of late. When I meet a woman irl I don’t feel excited about it anymore. It is not something I enjoy anymore. In fact, I actually avoid interacting with women irl. It is stressful and upsets me. I avoid putting myself in situations where I would flirt with women.
Don’t get me wrong, I still feel sexually attracted to them and I will always do. (Sounds like a curse, to be honest)
Problem is, the only thing that still makes me consider dating women is my sexuality, or horniness. I have already forgotten how loving and being loved feels like. I used to know this feeling but it is now gone from my memory. It is like your old grandma who passed away when you were 8 y/o, you know you have met her but you cannot recall her face anymore, it is all blurred in your mind.
This is how loving and being loved is to me right now, a blurred memory from long ago, a memory that I cannot recognize anymore.