I am The 40-Year-Old-Incel

Been active for the past year on reddit and few other places. I used think I was loveshy, then I found the Forever Alone sub. Eventually started getting familiar with guys like Monday FA Monday, and he and I have chatted and corresponded a lot over the past year. I never liked the term incel and preferred the FA status, but as time goes on, I accept that I am an incel, and FA. I see nothing changing in my life, as women have never given me the time of day, and don’t see me as relationship/boyfriend/dating material. I’ve never had a girlfriend, never been in any sort of relationship, and never been on a real date. I’m not a virgin, I lost it when I was 31 to an escort, and paying escorts is the only way I’ve been able to experience any sort of intimacy with a woman. And it’s not that I haven’t tried, I’ve liked lots of women in my lifetime, and a few I’ve fallen head over heels for, but I’m always rejected, they never see me that way.

I’m 5’10", 265 lbs (I’m overweight, always have been since I was a kid), white. I have a full time job, but it’s low paying, and I have debt. I’m not autistic or have any sort of poor social skills; I’m just not what women want.

Any questions, feel free to ask. I’m very open about my life, and what I’ve gone through.

Yea Monday is pretty cool dude

Did you get any feedback from the escorts? Or ask for feedback?

Welcome to incelistan, it’s comfy here

welcome @the40yearoldincel

Yea escortcelling is a an increasingly popular activity for shy and average males. Have you thought about going MGTOW or traveling to a poorer area? Honestly I would at this point.

Also, almost all women today are prostitutes (and almost all men Johns) so if you are paying escorts you are receiving more love than most of us. Money does indeed buy you love. Just like good looks does. Both are transitory, but I guess looks is more integral to who you are and why most of us prefer to appreciated for our looks than our money. You are maybe partnerless and I know that can be hard for the pair-bonding types among us.

Feminists downplay how important romantic pairbonding is for humans.

hey The40, welcome to incelistan.

people do that? that seems like the type of thing I’d do, but idk.

Hey sup! Welcome to incelistan.

I personally don’t have any questions to ask… though I will say that based on my observations of people throughout the years, it seems like there’s only two kinds of incels/FAs:

  1. Those who move on with life.
  2. Those who don’t

In other words, do you let your lack of a sex life get in the way of you experiencing life to the fullest?

Are you the kind of guy who renovates boats and cars in his garage and then sits back to enjoy a few beers in the sunshine… or that dude who goes around messaging women on dating sites, hopelessly waiting for a reply?

That’s not so say you can’t do both of course, but the key here is whether or not you’re putting all your eggs in one basket.

My 50 cents. Cheers


I never thought to ask for feedback, nor would it make sense. Escorts are basically actors, they’re there to make you feel good. The last thing any good escort is going to do is give you constructive criticism of your performance. If they started doing that, they’re either going to lie and tell you that you’re great, or they’re going to tell you the truth, and therefore hurt their own business. Even if I was somewhat okay in my performance, I wouldn’t believe her. One girl I’ve seen a couple of times says that I seem to know what I’m doing down there, and it’s nice to hear, but I’m paying her good money to compliment and fake her way through an hour of intimacy.

I’m going to have to say I’m a bit of both of those. It’s only been in the last year or two that I’ve come to realize that I need to move on from the idea of having hope a relationship might happen some day. It won’t. However I’m still quite bitter, angry and frustrated by it. I’ve wanted nothing more in my entire life than to have a girlfriend, be in a long-term monogamous relationship, and to one day get married, and I’ve been this way ever since before I hit puberty. I can’t explain it, it’s just always been like that for me. I feel I’ve done everything that society has told me to do in order to attract a woman into my life, and nothing’s worked. I even tried the opposite, and I still had the same results; no interest from women beyond platonic friendships.

As much as I know I need to move on with my life, it’s difficult of letting go of something I’ve desired for so long. So I’m in that middle stage where I haven’t quite moved on, but I also know I need to. It’s a tug of war between my heart and my head. Logically I know it’s never going to happen, but my heart still wants it.

I do what I need to do in order to survive. I’m a wage slave, even at 40. I have no real savings, and cannot afford to truly do the things I want or enjoy. I’m also child of the 80’s, so I am a bit materialistic, but only with things that I really like. For example, I’m what you would call a cinephile, I love movies. To have the home theater system I dream of would cost me more than what I can afford, especially when I already have substantial debts from school and a failed business. It would be irresponsible of me to spend money on things I cannot currently afford, so therefore, I’m not enjoying or experiencing life to the fullest as I would like.

I wish I could sit back and enjoy those things, but I’m always working, with no time or money to do so. Messaging women and dating sites are a waste of time, based both on my own personal experiences with in real life and online. Online dating is reserved for above average looking men only. This isn’t some sort of incel nonsense that normies like to call us out on, it’s actual literal fact. I went Chadfishing a little over a month ago, just to see it for myself. And like everyone says, it’s true. Same profile, just with different photos, and the good looking dude has nothing to do but sit there and have women ready to jump into bed with him on the first message. It’s pure insanity, and quite sad to see where a guy like myself really stands in the food chain of sexual market value; I’m not even a candidate to even get into the game.

So to answer your question, no, I don’t message women on dating sites. It’s a waste of time.

hookers do give feedback. Not just about sexual stuff

Obviously hookers can and do lie. But if they are going to compliment, it’a my opinion they are going to pick something more btter about you than other things. It would be weird to choose something completely incorrect to compliment, even if paid… in the USA

In the past 10 years since I lost my virginity at 31 to an escort, I’ve used them about half a dozen times since. I can tell you from experience, that one was not into me whatsoever. No eye contact, just wanted to get it over and done as quick as she could. I could tell she wasn’t attracted to me, and I wasn’t that into her; I went to a massage parlor, and she was all that was available at the time. She and I didn’t talk much, and it was really was nothing more than a business transaction.

Of all the girls I’ve been with, I’ve only seen one twice, and would continue to see her if I could afford it, and if our schedules lined-up accordingly. I’m physically attracted to her, as in, she’s my type. She seems not only enjoy what she does, she seems to like me in the sense that she’s not repulsed. Strong eye contact, and what I would think is truly the girlfriend experience. Even the pillow talk in-between and afterwards, great conversation. She has complimented me saying that I seem to know what I’m doing down there when I perform oral on her. She made movements and sounds that would believe me to think she actually orgasmed from my performance, and also told me that she did in-fact orgasm. Did she really though, that’s the question that I’ll never know the truth.

I’m 5’10", 265 lbs (I’m overweight, always have been since I was a kid), white.

As an overweight man myself, I’m not in a position to judge you for being one. But have you ever thought about losing weight? Many people in the incel community says that “Fatcel is volcel”. Unlike me (I’m barely 5’3"), you have a decent height, so I’m sure that your physical attractiveness will increase substantially if you lose weight.

You’re white, which gives you an advantage if you decide to date East Asian or Latin American women.

Greetings from a 26 (about to turn 27) year-old incel from Chile.

welcome to incelistan Kondi.:+1:

It amazes me that people will ask fat people if this ever is something we question. Of course it is! I would love nothing more to be thinner. I could buy nicer clothes that fit will, be in better overall health, and of course, look better. If you were overweight, you would understand that. Not all of us are genetically gifted to lose weight so easily.

But yet you are judging. And if you are overweight, you would know how difficult it can be to lose weight. I’ve lost, gained, lost, and re-gained. For some people, losing weight and maintaining weight is easier said than done. Again, if you are overweight, you would understand that.

I’m not asking for body acceptance, because I don’t believe being overweight is something anyone should accept.

Even when I was at my slimmest last year, it did nothing. I’ve spoken with many other fatcels who’ve lost weight and gotten better physiques, and it actually did nothing for them either when it came to dating.

I’ve posted my response in another thread about getting into relationships with women from other countries, especially Asia and eastern Europe. I didn’t include South America in there, but it’s really no different. All those women want is a free ticket to America, a green card, and some guy to look after them financially. They don’t love those men, they only love what you’re able to provide for them. All you’re doing is trading up for some American gold digger, for an international gold digger. I’ve seen and read far too many stories of these women cheating and divorcing their husbands after they get permanently settled in the U.S., leaving them once again alone, and now broke.

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Yep. Bottom line is women have way too much power and it needs to be taken away.

Furthermore, I understand you CBA to lose weight. I’m a fairly healthy weight and it does fuck all due to my ASD, most likely.

lel good luck with getting back that “power”

Realistically I don’t see things continuing the way they are indefinitely. Something is going to give out.

Also, it’s not even power that needs to be taken away. It’s their illusion of power, held up by this gynocentric, anti-male society. Everything about this society is fake, including so called “female empowerment.”

I don’t see how you can’t see some countries and areas need feminism. Like societies and even that bad here and I have been in cars was Uber drivers that tell me that it must be hard for me to do physics since I’m a girl. Like that’s pretty shity but look at other countries where people were aborted on the basis that they were women so like yay. Women are dilusional and extra woah.

Aren’t most Uber drivers recent immigrants? So that’s a pretty poor representation of our Gynocentric society. Nobody is stopping girls from trying to do physics… although, the fact remains that women refuse to date down. So what incentive is there for us to allow females to achieve higher earning occupations (often STEM) if they’ll just treat us like disposable shit the moment they accomplish these goals? I acknowledge that a few women can do STEM work without extra help, but these are outliers. For the most part it is easier for women to be accepted into STEM programs as there have even been cases of requirements being lowered so women can get in. You’re angry because people would rather have some understanding of the world on the basis of averages and observing patterns rather than being willfully clueless like the Cultural Marxists want us to be.

In most Western countries, male circumcision remains legal and even encouraged, whereas people here continue to whine about female circumcision in OTHER countries.

I live in a large North American city with a high population of middle eastern immigrants. Most work in the service industry, Uber, cab and delivery drivers. There’s also a lot that own and manager restaurants, some major franchises, and they all treat women as beneath them, because that’s they way their culture and religion has indoctrinated them. I do agree with Restart80, this is a pretty poor comparison to how the majority of western born men think and act. I don’t think the majority of men born in late 1960’s to today would disagree that we believe in equality, and that if a woman has just as much of a right to pursue whatever her goals and dreams may be.

That’s the way modern feminism works. Women have more equal rights in North America than at any point in history. This idea of wage disparity applies mostly to the elite 1%, and top CEO’s. The employees working at Walmart, men, women, immigrants, they’re all making the same hourly wage stocking shelves, working the cash registers, and bagging your groceries. This fight for wage equality is about some CEO or movie actress who got paid $1 million dollars less than her male counterparts. Is it wrong that there’s a disparity even at that level? Probably, but I’m not in that income bracket to justify or understand how difficult it might be for any man or woman who makes a six figure salary, then has the right to complain about it. One thing is for sure, if inequality was so high in America, wouldn’t every shop and restaurant owner only be hiring females, because they could pay them less than men?

That article that’s been making the rounds for the past few months now, about how women can’t find any marriage worthy men in 2019, because the men make less money than them. Like it’s been said on this thread, and many others, women only want to date up, in looks, status and financial wealth. Now that women are in-fact making just as much as men, and now more because of culture pressure of it, these women don’t want to date and marry men who are earning less than them. They still want the man to be the provider. We as men can’t do anything to make a woman happy in 2019. It’s when I hear things like this, I sometimes wonder if it’s a blessing to be an incel. I’m obviously physically unattractive to all women, and I don’t have the financial means to provide a luxurious lifestyle that most women want, so why bother to go to all the trouble worrying about being Forever Alone.

Personally I wouldn’t be interested in females who are only want a relationship with me for financial gain anyway, especially the Liberal ones that believe in “equality” but then seek out men to sap resources from just because of what they were born with (oh the irony of Liberal THOTs). They preach equality, but the reality is that there is NOTHING so unequal as the state of DSR between males and females in 2019. They’ve literally done a GINI Coefficient study on this and found that there was more inequality in DSR than in the USA economically.

Those types of females have always existed. They’re called prostitutes. Unless they want to be a prostitute or live-in slave (where Common Law BS doesn’t exist), that attitude will get them nothing. They don’t deserve marriage OR relationships if this is how they act. Men must realize that the difference between a prostitute and a western ■■■■■ seeking a “relationship” is simply the amount of money you give up for their time. It’s fake love; it’s pointless.